How To Help Your Child Stutter More Effectively
When children stutters, it is best to let them finish the thought on their own. A general rule of thumb is not to interrupt your child during stuttering or at any time. There may be some exceptions to this rule. If your child is stuck on a word and is forcing very hard but still not able to say the word, you may ask if help is wanted. With permission, you may then say the word. By asking permission, you are still allowing the child to be in control his or her speech. This does set a bad example to the child, but distress and frustration at not being able to force the word out can also lead to further development of stuttering, so it is a difficult choice. Once a child has learned better ways to deal with stuttering than struggle, your help should no longer be needed.
It may seem to you that if your child would just slow down or take a breath, stuttering would not be a problem. . In fact suggestions such as these will probably only complicate the problem in a number of ways. First, it is likely that the stuttering is causing the breathing problems, rather than the other way around. As for slowing down, it is true that slower speech is more fluent, but it is very hard , even for an adult, to slow down all the time. For children, who tend to be more spontaneous anyway, slowing is even more difficult. But when you tell your child to talk in a different way, it tells him or her very clearly that what they are doing is wrong. You imply that if he or she would only do things differently, this problem could be solved. The child begins to feel hat he is not very good at talking. His self-esteem as a speaker, and as a person, begins to suffer You can compare this experience to the feelings you might have while attempting to play a sport you're not very good at. You feel defeated before you begin. Also, if the child continually hears suggestions that he can't implement, he may beginning to feel guilty and try harder to change his speech. In trying harder, the child may begin to struggle, developing tricks to help force out the words. This would be a worse stuttering problem, not a better one. Getting over stuttering is not simply a matter of will power. In fact, the attempt to talk fluently through as an exercise of will, typically backfires and creates more stuttering behavior.
It may seem to you that if your child would just slow down or take a breath, stuttering would not be a problem. . In fact suggestions such as these will probably only complicate the problem in a number of ways. First, it is likely that the stuttering is causing the breathing problems, rather than the other way around. As for slowing down, it is true that slower speech is more fluent, but it is very hard , even for an adult, to slow down all the time. For children, who tend to be more spontaneous anyway, slowing is even more difficult. But when you tell your child to talk in a different way, it tells him or her very clearly that what they are doing is wrong. You imply that if he or she would only do things differently, this problem could be solved. The child begins to feel hat he is not very good at talking. His self-esteem as a speaker, and as a person, begins to suffer You can compare this experience to the feelings you might have while attempting to play a sport you're not very good at. You feel defeated before you begin. Also, if the child continually hears suggestions that he can't implement, he may beginning to feel guilty and try harder to change his speech. In trying harder, the child may begin to struggle, developing tricks to help force out the words. This would be a worse stuttering problem, not a better one. Getting over stuttering is not simply a matter of will power. In fact, the attempt to talk fluently through as an exercise of will, typically backfires and creates more stuttering behavior.
Talk About Stuttering Openly and Honestly
Stuttering should not be ignored. It is easy to understand, though, why families might avoid talking about stuttering. Stuttering does seem like a nervous kind of problem and talking about it might even make the child more nervous. However, that is not the case at all. When the child is struggling and disfluencies are obvious but no one talks about them, a problem may develop which has been called "the conspiracy of silence." Even the very young child who stutters knows that he is talking differently or that speech is a difficult thing to do. He or she will begin looking to the parents for help and support. When no one talks about the difficulty, the child may begin to think that his or her speech is so bad that it must remain hidden. Many stutterers develop a deep sense of personal shame over their stuttering as a result of this pattern of parental reaction. Other children may come to believe that stuttering is somehow inaudible. These are not healthy reactions. A stumble in speaking is not much different from a stumble in walking. You need to pick yourself up and go on. If a child falls down, the parents help the child get up, make sure he or she is not hurt, and go on. The child who is stuttering also needs some brief reassurance and emotional support.
It is suggested that if the stuttering is obvious, parents feel free to talk about it with their child in words that the child will understand. The object of this suggestion is two-fold. First, in talking about the problem, you are acknowledging that it exists and that you are there to help and support the child. Second, by acknowledging the problem in a matter-of-fact way you are reassuring the child that the problem is not catastrophic. It is important to use words that the child can understand. If your child's speech behavior contains repetitions, the word "bumpy" may be appropriate. If the child prolongs sounds or blocks, "sticky" or "hard" may be appropriate words. Frequently, the children will come up with their own words to describe the problem, if given the opportunity. For example, one two and a half year old child talked about the words "getting stuck inside my mouth" so her stuttering was referred to as "sticky speech." Another prolonged vowels and this reminded him of pulling bubble gum apart, so he called it "bubble gum speech." If the child has learned to call his problem stuttering then that word should be used to talk about the disfluencies. The only caution here is that have a stuttering problem and being a stutterer are two very different things. Your child may have a stuttering problem, but he or she is also fluent many times during the day. And the child is probably going to become a normal speaker. It's too soon to put a label on the child, particularly one that describes only a small portion, and an undesirable portion, of speech behavior. If we can separate children from the behavior they perform, they can learn that they are good and valuable people even though their behavior is not always perfect -- a good lesson for all of us.
It is appropriate to comment in a neutral way from time to time on the child's stuttering after the child has finished speaking. You can tell the child that yes the speech was a little bumpy just at that moment and that sometimes people have bumpy speech. Make your own speech a little bumpy (but not forced or struggled) every once in a while to show that it is not something to be afraid of. Mentioning the child's bumpy speech and showing some of your own help let the child know that we all have bumpy speech once in a while. It is most important that the child learns that despite the repetitions, he or she is accepted and loved. But this does not mean that every time the child stutters he or she should get a hug or a pat on the head. This would tell the child that he or she is loved because of the stuttering, and that would be wrong too.
It is suggested that if the stuttering is obvious, parents feel free to talk about it with their child in words that the child will understand. The object of this suggestion is two-fold. First, in talking about the problem, you are acknowledging that it exists and that you are there to help and support the child. Second, by acknowledging the problem in a matter-of-fact way you are reassuring the child that the problem is not catastrophic. It is important to use words that the child can understand. If your child's speech behavior contains repetitions, the word "bumpy" may be appropriate. If the child prolongs sounds or blocks, "sticky" or "hard" may be appropriate words. Frequently, the children will come up with their own words to describe the problem, if given the opportunity. For example, one two and a half year old child talked about the words "getting stuck inside my mouth" so her stuttering was referred to as "sticky speech." Another prolonged vowels and this reminded him of pulling bubble gum apart, so he called it "bubble gum speech." If the child has learned to call his problem stuttering then that word should be used to talk about the disfluencies. The only caution here is that have a stuttering problem and being a stutterer are two very different things. Your child may have a stuttering problem, but he or she is also fluent many times during the day. And the child is probably going to become a normal speaker. It's too soon to put a label on the child, particularly one that describes only a small portion, and an undesirable portion, of speech behavior. If we can separate children from the behavior they perform, they can learn that they are good and valuable people even though their behavior is not always perfect -- a good lesson for all of us.
It is appropriate to comment in a neutral way from time to time on the child's stuttering after the child has finished speaking. You can tell the child that yes the speech was a little bumpy just at that moment and that sometimes people have bumpy speech. Make your own speech a little bumpy (but not forced or struggled) every once in a while to show that it is not something to be afraid of. Mentioning the child's bumpy speech and showing some of your own help let the child know that we all have bumpy speech once in a while. It is most important that the child learns that despite the repetitions, he or she is accepted and loved. But this does not mean that every time the child stutters he or she should get a hug or a pat on the head. This would tell the child that he or she is loved because of the stuttering, and that would be wrong too.
Build Up Your Child's Self Confidence
Since children's sense of self-esteem and self-confidence as a speaker may be at risk because of speech breakdowns, it is important to counteract this by providing many opportunities for positive experiences. First, a parent can increase verbal praise. Children need to hear periodically that their parents enjoy being with them, enjoy talking to them and are happy with who the child is. To help in this endeavor, you might want to think about what you like about your child and in what areas your child does well. In addition to increasing praise, parents can provide more opportunities for children to engage in the things that they do well, while minimizing opportunities for things they struggle with. If your child is good at sports and vigorous play, frequent trips to the park might be scheduled instead of more activities such as board games or arts and crafts, which usually involve more speech. If you notice that your child is having a particulary easy time speaking, provide more opportunities for conversation. Likewise, minimize speaking time if stuttering seems particularly severe by engaging your child in nonverbal activities such as listening to records or singing. But don't make this obvious or rigid; it could also teach the child not to talk when stuttering is present.
Increase Your Tolerance For Dysfluencies
While speaking with your child, you may become distracted by the repeated words or syllables or blocks. Through practice and discipline, you can learn to focus on what the child is saying and not on how the child is saying it. Many adult stutterers say that they never felt that anyone heard them as a child. Everyone was always listening to the stuttering. Being heard is an essential ingredient in any relationship, and it is particularly important for children talking to their parents. It is important that you work on gradually developing a tolerance for dysfluent speech. By responding to children's content rather than the dysfluencies, you show them that you value them and the time you spend talking to them. Despite the dysfluencies, the children feel that they are worthwhile as communicative partners. Their self-confidence as speakers will remain intact.