Enhance Fluency at Home;
How Parents Can Help!
It's extremely important to note here, that PARENTS DO NOT CAUSE THEIR CHILD'S STUTTERING!!! It's so important, that I think I'll say it again, PARENTS DO NOT CAUSE THEIR CHILD'S STUTTERING!!! When parents come to us for help, it is interesting to note that they are already doing many helpful things for their child, although they may be unaware of them. Reviewing the following list of suggestions will help you identify those things you are currently doing that make it easier for your child to speak fluently. By identifying these things, it will then be easy for you to increase the frequency with which you do them. Also, you may wish to implement some of the other suggestions, until you are no longer concerned about a risk of stuttering developing. Rather than attempting to master all of the suggestions at once, choose one or two new strategies each week. This gives you and your child enough time to gradually adjust to the changes you'll be making. On final word of caution. Each family is unique and not all of the suggestions to follow will be appropriate for all families. Apply only those that seem useful to your particular situation.
Listening Differently
Most likely, your child is at a stage of development where there is significant growth in the ability to use language. There may even be times when the child is talking so incessantly that you wonder if it will ever stop. When children are in this stage of growth, parents necessarily listen selectively. The purpose of this section is to help you examine how you listen and provide some suggestions for selective listening that convey to the child your interest in and respect for his or her communications.
You can begin this process by playing a bit of the detective role. In order to begin adjusting your listening style, you will need to know what that present listening style is. Over the period of a week, step back as an objective third party might and observe the ways in which you listen. Jotting down some notes in a log book as the thoughts occur may help you to focus in on the larger picture at the end of the week.
Since you cannot listen with all ears every time your child talks, mentally note the topics that interest you as well as the topics that your child chatters on about that are not as interesting to you. Do you tend to listen to every word when your child tells you about something dangerous he's just done, but with only half an ear when he's chattering on about a TV rerun you've seen three times? Identify times of the day that your child seems more interested in conversing, as well as times of the day when you have energy to listen more intensively. Do you have difficulty doing anything before your first cup of coffee in the morning, but that's when your child comes bouncing into your bedroom full of stories: When you are listening to your child, examine your body position and eye contact. Are you likely to be engaged in another activity such as washing the dishes or reading the paper during these conversations?
Once you have a feeling for how you listen, you may want to begin making some changes. If there are times of the day that seem to occur consistently where things are just too hectic or when you are just too tired to listen well, set up a quiet time activity. When you are frazzled and worn out, you can't listen as effectively. Your child may interpret this as a message that he or she is not interesting or not worth listening to, when that's not the case at all. Everyone can benefit from quiet time during the day; it is generally a time to relax and unwind, without the pressures of interacting with others. Children and adults should engage in some non-demanding activity by themselves such as reading or looking at books, quiet play with puzzles or even watching TV. Little or no talking should be allowed during this time. This quiet time should be a consistently scheduled time, so that each day, family members will expect it to occur and accept it as part of the family routine.
You can also try adjusting somewhat to your child's schedule to provide more intensive listening. Families we have worked with have come up with some creative solutions that seemed to make a big difference in their lives. One family got up half an hour earlier in the morning, to provide more time for quality listening at a time when the children were very interested in talking. Another family postponed doing the dinner dishes until after the children went to bed in order to spend that half hour listening more carefully. The important thing to learn is that the changes you make can be minimal, maybe only affecting as much as a half hour of your day. Yet that one half hour that you have allotted for more selective listening may make a world of difference to your child.
When you are listening to your child more intensively, try increasing the amount of eye contact you make. Looking at someone when they're speaking communicates interest. And open posture with arms unfolded and legs uncrossed also indicates a willingness to participate in your child's conversation. You will want to follow your child's lead, rather than introducing new topics yourself.
When your child speaks, practice listening for the ideas expressed rather than focusing on the way he or she is speaking. This will take discipline, especially if your child speaks very slowly or struggles through the words. By responding to how your child talks (i.e., "You're talking too fast" or "Take a breath.") you are giving the message that what the child is saying is not worth listening to AND that he or she is a failure at producing the message as well. By responding to the content of the message, you are telling your child that you are listening and that you are interested in what your child has to say.
You can begin this process by playing a bit of the detective role. In order to begin adjusting your listening style, you will need to know what that present listening style is. Over the period of a week, step back as an objective third party might and observe the ways in which you listen. Jotting down some notes in a log book as the thoughts occur may help you to focus in on the larger picture at the end of the week.
Since you cannot listen with all ears every time your child talks, mentally note the topics that interest you as well as the topics that your child chatters on about that are not as interesting to you. Do you tend to listen to every word when your child tells you about something dangerous he's just done, but with only half an ear when he's chattering on about a TV rerun you've seen three times? Identify times of the day that your child seems more interested in conversing, as well as times of the day when you have energy to listen more intensively. Do you have difficulty doing anything before your first cup of coffee in the morning, but that's when your child comes bouncing into your bedroom full of stories: When you are listening to your child, examine your body position and eye contact. Are you likely to be engaged in another activity such as washing the dishes or reading the paper during these conversations?
Once you have a feeling for how you listen, you may want to begin making some changes. If there are times of the day that seem to occur consistently where things are just too hectic or when you are just too tired to listen well, set up a quiet time activity. When you are frazzled and worn out, you can't listen as effectively. Your child may interpret this as a message that he or she is not interesting or not worth listening to, when that's not the case at all. Everyone can benefit from quiet time during the day; it is generally a time to relax and unwind, without the pressures of interacting with others. Children and adults should engage in some non-demanding activity by themselves such as reading or looking at books, quiet play with puzzles or even watching TV. Little or no talking should be allowed during this time. This quiet time should be a consistently scheduled time, so that each day, family members will expect it to occur and accept it as part of the family routine.
You can also try adjusting somewhat to your child's schedule to provide more intensive listening. Families we have worked with have come up with some creative solutions that seemed to make a big difference in their lives. One family got up half an hour earlier in the morning, to provide more time for quality listening at a time when the children were very interested in talking. Another family postponed doing the dinner dishes until after the children went to bed in order to spend that half hour listening more carefully. The important thing to learn is that the changes you make can be minimal, maybe only affecting as much as a half hour of your day. Yet that one half hour that you have allotted for more selective listening may make a world of difference to your child.
When you are listening to your child more intensively, try increasing the amount of eye contact you make. Looking at someone when they're speaking communicates interest. And open posture with arms unfolded and legs uncrossed also indicates a willingness to participate in your child's conversation. You will want to follow your child's lead, rather than introducing new topics yourself.
When your child speaks, practice listening for the ideas expressed rather than focusing on the way he or she is speaking. This will take discipline, especially if your child speaks very slowly or struggles through the words. By responding to how your child talks (i.e., "You're talking too fast" or "Take a breath.") you are giving the message that what the child is saying is not worth listening to AND that he or she is a failure at producing the message as well. By responding to the content of the message, you are telling your child that you are listening and that you are interested in what your child has to say.
Speaking Differently
Slowing Down
Most adults speak almost as quickly as is physically possible. Young children speak much more slowly, since they are just learning how to coordinate the speech mechanism. When children speak with adults, they attempt to match the speaking rates of the adults they are conversing with. They are consequently under some time pressure whenever they speak to an adult who is speaking at a typical adult rate. Fluency can be compromised whenever there is time pressure; it is one of the most common demands on fluency. One thing parents can do in this regard is to slow down while speaking to or in front of the child. "Try talking as slowly as your child talks. Some parents have found it helpful to tape record their child and then listen to the tape focusing on how fast the child produces words. Replay the tape and this time, try saying the same words as your child along with the tape it is this speed that you should try to maintain. Rather than chopping up the words in a sentence to slow down, draw out the sounds and let one word flow into the next. Slowing down is not easy, and you will need to consciously work at it when you are with your child. As you learn to slow your speech rate down, you will feel a sense of relaxation. This is another sign that you are slowing enough to reduce time pressure on the child. It is worth reminding parents that they do not cause stuttering by talking too fast, but they can help the child become more fluent by talking more slowly.
Increasing Pause Time. Pause frequently while you talk. Wherever commas or periods would appear if you were writing your speech, stop and take a breath. This provides a model for your child that reduces time pressure and places value on carefully presented, well thought out speech.
Increasing Silence. Allow more time for silence in general. In this way, your child will learn that every second does not need to be filled with talking. This will help to reduce the pressure he may experience trying to keep a conversation going. In addition, a great deal of talking by parents stimulates the child's language development. Some children are stimulated so much that their linguistic skills develop way ahead of their motor skills to produce the sounds of speech, and stuttering seems often to result from this imbalance of skills.
Eliminating Interruptions. Let family members completely finish their ideas before someone else is allowed to speak. There are two things we know about normally developing children and interruptions. If children are allowed to interrupt others, they are more likely to stumble over their words during the interruption. Also, if a child who does not stutter is interrupted by another speaker, the child will most likely be dysfluent if he or she tries to continue speaking. For the child at risk for developing a stuttering problem, interrupting or being interrupted can seriously interfere with fluency.
Reducing Certain Kinds of Questions. There are many things children must do in order to answer a question. First, they must figure out what the question means. Then they need to organize their thoughts to answer the question appropriately, and find the right words and grammar to respond with. Finally, they need to execute the message orally. All of this must be accomplished immediately, since that's what the question-and-answer format demands. Many questions, of course, are simple to answer, requiring only a brief response, but questions requiring long, thoughtful or narrative answers can be difficult for a child still developing language competence skills, and can contribute to fluency breakdown. It is advisable to refrain from asking your child questions that require a length oral response, such as "What did you do in school today?" or "Tell Aunt Corrine what you saw at the zoo." But parents need to find out what happened at school. We suggest that you make a few comments about your own activities. This will usually stimulate your child to begin talking about his or her activities as well. Tell your child what you had for lunch, or what you heard on the radio, or who you saw on the bus. If something pops into your child's mind at this time about the school day, he or she will spontaneously share it with you. Spontaneously shared information is much more likely to be fluent.
Modeling Normal Dysfluencies. Parents are advised to provide a model of normal speech for their children. Since normal speech is not completely fluent, you will want to demonstrate for your child acceptable ways to be dysfluent. Young children with normally developing speech frequently repeat the first word in a phrase or sentence one or two times. Young children will also pause and say um or uh as they are searching for words. Therefore, it is important that you occasionally model these acceptable forms of dysfluency in a nonchalant, easy way. For example, when telling a child to go get his shoes you could " Go, go get your shoes: or "Go get your, um, shoes." The repetitions or pauses should be produced slowly and smoothly.
Most adults speak almost as quickly as is physically possible. Young children speak much more slowly, since they are just learning how to coordinate the speech mechanism. When children speak with adults, they attempt to match the speaking rates of the adults they are conversing with. They are consequently under some time pressure whenever they speak to an adult who is speaking at a typical adult rate. Fluency can be compromised whenever there is time pressure; it is one of the most common demands on fluency. One thing parents can do in this regard is to slow down while speaking to or in front of the child. "Try talking as slowly as your child talks. Some parents have found it helpful to tape record their child and then listen to the tape focusing on how fast the child produces words. Replay the tape and this time, try saying the same words as your child along with the tape it is this speed that you should try to maintain. Rather than chopping up the words in a sentence to slow down, draw out the sounds and let one word flow into the next. Slowing down is not easy, and you will need to consciously work at it when you are with your child. As you learn to slow your speech rate down, you will feel a sense of relaxation. This is another sign that you are slowing enough to reduce time pressure on the child. It is worth reminding parents that they do not cause stuttering by talking too fast, but they can help the child become more fluent by talking more slowly.
Increasing Pause Time. Pause frequently while you talk. Wherever commas or periods would appear if you were writing your speech, stop and take a breath. This provides a model for your child that reduces time pressure and places value on carefully presented, well thought out speech.
Increasing Silence. Allow more time for silence in general. In this way, your child will learn that every second does not need to be filled with talking. This will help to reduce the pressure he may experience trying to keep a conversation going. In addition, a great deal of talking by parents stimulates the child's language development. Some children are stimulated so much that their linguistic skills develop way ahead of their motor skills to produce the sounds of speech, and stuttering seems often to result from this imbalance of skills.
Eliminating Interruptions. Let family members completely finish their ideas before someone else is allowed to speak. There are two things we know about normally developing children and interruptions. If children are allowed to interrupt others, they are more likely to stumble over their words during the interruption. Also, if a child who does not stutter is interrupted by another speaker, the child will most likely be dysfluent if he or she tries to continue speaking. For the child at risk for developing a stuttering problem, interrupting or being interrupted can seriously interfere with fluency.
Reducing Certain Kinds of Questions. There are many things children must do in order to answer a question. First, they must figure out what the question means. Then they need to organize their thoughts to answer the question appropriately, and find the right words and grammar to respond with. Finally, they need to execute the message orally. All of this must be accomplished immediately, since that's what the question-and-answer format demands. Many questions, of course, are simple to answer, requiring only a brief response, but questions requiring long, thoughtful or narrative answers can be difficult for a child still developing language competence skills, and can contribute to fluency breakdown. It is advisable to refrain from asking your child questions that require a length oral response, such as "What did you do in school today?" or "Tell Aunt Corrine what you saw at the zoo." But parents need to find out what happened at school. We suggest that you make a few comments about your own activities. This will usually stimulate your child to begin talking about his or her activities as well. Tell your child what you had for lunch, or what you heard on the radio, or who you saw on the bus. If something pops into your child's mind at this time about the school day, he or she will spontaneously share it with you. Spontaneously shared information is much more likely to be fluent.
Modeling Normal Dysfluencies. Parents are advised to provide a model of normal speech for their children. Since normal speech is not completely fluent, you will want to demonstrate for your child acceptable ways to be dysfluent. Young children with normally developing speech frequently repeat the first word in a phrase or sentence one or two times. Young children will also pause and say um or uh as they are searching for words. Therefore, it is important that you occasionally model these acceptable forms of dysfluency in a nonchalant, easy way. For example, when telling a child to go get his shoes you could " Go, go get your shoes: or "Go get your, um, shoes." The repetitions or pauses should be produced slowly and smoothly.
Conversing Differently
Talking with Your Child. Since a parent's role encompasses many responsibilities, you may find that the majority of time you spend conversing with your child is as disciplinarian or caretaker. Typically, during these times, the parent must talk "at" the child in order to give the necessary instructions or rules. It will be helpful to your child if you gradually increase the amount of time you spend talking "with" your child -- actually engaged in a conversation which is shared by both of you. In this way, talking becomes more of a pleasurable experience, something to anticipate. Engaging in activities with your child that the child enjoys doing sets the tone for quality talking. For example, as your child helps you make chocolate chip cookies, he or she is certain to begin commenting about the task. This is your cue to respond to the content of his message. Allow your child to introduce the speech topics and then follow his or her conversational lead.
Being Nonjudgmental. During this shared conversation time, be sure that your comments are nonjudgmental. Evaluation or the fear of being criticized inhibits most people, even adults. For a child who is at risk for stuttering, the fear of saying something wrong can lead to speech that is produced in a halting, stumbled way. This does NOT mean that you should not discipline your child for misdeeds. Children need the direction that discipline provides. But it is best not to make the child at risk for stuttering speak as a form of punishment. In other words, asking the child to explain why they did something wrong, or asking them to apologize or confess may not be the best form of punishment for a child at risk for stuttering.
Eliminating Nonspontaneous Speech. When speech is demanded from a child, the time and performance pressure experienced by the child can precipitate a fluency breakdown. Demand speech can take many forms, including asking the child to recite the alphabet, retell a story, or explain how Snoopy got stuck in the toilet. Even asking the child to say "please" and "thank you" can increase pressure enough to cause the child to be dysfluent. For the time being, it is wise to eliminate these requests for speech performance. Modeling the appropriate social amenity for the child is just as effective in establishing manners as is having the child repeat the phrase on demand.
Being Nonjudgmental. During this shared conversation time, be sure that your comments are nonjudgmental. Evaluation or the fear of being criticized inhibits most people, even adults. For a child who is at risk for stuttering, the fear of saying something wrong can lead to speech that is produced in a halting, stumbled way. This does NOT mean that you should not discipline your child for misdeeds. Children need the direction that discipline provides. But it is best not to make the child at risk for stuttering speak as a form of punishment. In other words, asking the child to explain why they did something wrong, or asking them to apologize or confess may not be the best form of punishment for a child at risk for stuttering.
Eliminating Nonspontaneous Speech. When speech is demanded from a child, the time and performance pressure experienced by the child can precipitate a fluency breakdown. Demand speech can take many forms, including asking the child to recite the alphabet, retell a story, or explain how Snoopy got stuck in the toilet. Even asking the child to say "please" and "thank you" can increase pressure enough to cause the child to be dysfluent. For the time being, it is wise to eliminate these requests for speech performance. Modeling the appropriate social amenity for the child is just as effective in establishing manners as is having the child repeat the phrase on demand.
Dealing Differently with Daily Living
Increasing Routine. Many parents report that their children have more difficulty speaking during exciting times such as at birthday parties or on vacations. It might seem though, that because these are happy, fun times, it should be easier for your child to speak fluently. That is not the case at all. Birthday parties and vacations are examples of events that do not follow the daily routine. They are full of surprises and anticipation. It is this lack of structure and uncertainty that contributes to an increase in stuttering. It is suggested that a daily routine be adhered to as consistently as possible, even on the weekends. If the child knows that after breakfast, he gets dressed, then watches TV and then plays, the uncertainty he might feel is significantly reduced.
Preparing the child in advance for special events, such as a birthday party or a visit from grandparents, also helps to reduce the uncertainty that comes from anticipation. The child should be familiar with the exact sequence of events, and an effort should be made to keep the events as relaxed and predictable as possible. For example, rather than having a birthday party with a lot of friends in the middle of the day, plan a smaller family celebration at the regularly scheduled dinner time. If the family is going on vacation, allow the child an opportunity to help plan some of the activities and pack some of his clothes and toys. Again, the important idea to keep in mind is that the child should know what to expect and that as much of the daily routine as possible should be preserved.
Family Communication Rules. It is helpful if all members of the family develop more effective speaking skills. Developing family communication rules is a way to accomplish this task. The rules can be as simple as:
1. Only one person speaks at a time.
2. Everyone gets an opportunity to speak.
3. No one evaluates the contribution of another speaker.
These rules provide for orderly, fair, and safe family communication. Present them when the family is together along with methods for enforcing the rules. One family developed this strategy for monitoring the family's use of communication rules: Each family member began the week with 25 pennies in a cup. Each time someone violated a rule, they had to remove one penny from their cup. At the end of the week, the family members were able to keep the remaining pennies. Not only do rules such as these facilitate fluency for the at risk child, they teach the rest of the family patterns of interaction that will be helpful in any environment.
Daily Talking Time . It is advisable to set aside a small amount of time each day in which one parent can devote full attention to the child at risk for stuttering. It is important that your attention not be divided at this time. Leave the dishes or the lawn to be done at another time. Exclude siblings for a while and arrange for someone else to answer the phone. This special talking time does not have to be very long. Fifteen minutes seems to be enough, but it is best if it can be done every day at about the same time. During this time, engage you child in quiet play -- doing puzzles, reading stories or playing with play dough are all non-demanding activities appropriate for the special talking time. The goal of this time is to provide a regularly scheduled, non-demanding opportunity for your child to be with you, without having to compete with all the distractions of the outside world. It is likely that during this time you will be more relaxed. Thus you may be able to adjust your speech more easily. This will consequently facilitate easy speech from your child.
Preparing the child in advance for special events, such as a birthday party or a visit from grandparents, also helps to reduce the uncertainty that comes from anticipation. The child should be familiar with the exact sequence of events, and an effort should be made to keep the events as relaxed and predictable as possible. For example, rather than having a birthday party with a lot of friends in the middle of the day, plan a smaller family celebration at the regularly scheduled dinner time. If the family is going on vacation, allow the child an opportunity to help plan some of the activities and pack some of his clothes and toys. Again, the important idea to keep in mind is that the child should know what to expect and that as much of the daily routine as possible should be preserved.
Family Communication Rules. It is helpful if all members of the family develop more effective speaking skills. Developing family communication rules is a way to accomplish this task. The rules can be as simple as:
1. Only one person speaks at a time.
2. Everyone gets an opportunity to speak.
3. No one evaluates the contribution of another speaker.
These rules provide for orderly, fair, and safe family communication. Present them when the family is together along with methods for enforcing the rules. One family developed this strategy for monitoring the family's use of communication rules: Each family member began the week with 25 pennies in a cup. Each time someone violated a rule, they had to remove one penny from their cup. At the end of the week, the family members were able to keep the remaining pennies. Not only do rules such as these facilitate fluency for the at risk child, they teach the rest of the family patterns of interaction that will be helpful in any environment.
Daily Talking Time . It is advisable to set aside a small amount of time each day in which one parent can devote full attention to the child at risk for stuttering. It is important that your attention not be divided at this time. Leave the dishes or the lawn to be done at another time. Exclude siblings for a while and arrange for someone else to answer the phone. This special talking time does not have to be very long. Fifteen minutes seems to be enough, but it is best if it can be done every day at about the same time. During this time, engage you child in quiet play -- doing puzzles, reading stories or playing with play dough are all non-demanding activities appropriate for the special talking time. The goal of this time is to provide a regularly scheduled, non-demanding opportunity for your child to be with you, without having to compete with all the distractions of the outside world. It is likely that during this time you will be more relaxed. Thus you may be able to adjust your speech more easily. This will consequently facilitate easy speech from your child.